Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
