For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
