I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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