I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
