stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
