My room smells like vodka and shame
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize