I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
