I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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