Please, let me fuck your mom
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
