I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
