So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
