i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
