K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the condom got lost in my hair
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
