All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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