im having a threesome with these popsicles
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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