Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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