when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There r osticjed everywhere
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
