he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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