if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
