Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
