Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
