If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
