Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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