Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
