He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
