she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
