Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
