I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
