these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
