every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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