Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
