forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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