So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
