I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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