Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
