i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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