Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
