Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
