She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
how drunk are you?
Several
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
