Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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