Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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