cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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