all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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