the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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