yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
