I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
