my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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