I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
