She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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