Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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