I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
