He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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