a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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