just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
