Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
