I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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