Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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