Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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