wrigley field is MILF paradise
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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