I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
