i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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