Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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