it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
