i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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