I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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